read part 2 in [97] (previous)
was it all in your head? the effervescent aura of a not so strange feeling stranger. the way the world stopped spinning and you felt like you might start winning your battles from now on. like your favourite song was playing on the fanciest stereo system out there, high definition and bass like a heartbeat.
both the heart and the mind of a lover often like to see a fantasy rather than reality; the hopeless part of a hopeless romantic. you saw her at the bus stop and didn't say anything, to your own dismay. your social anxieties fighting your bids for connection, with chipped tooth, bitten nail, and everpresent time. they conflict immensely with your deep-seated desire for dedication, for possibility. for a future that bears your own name, your own style. your luminous love ever-present, radiating from the entrance to the end, or the edge, or the ledge of the balcony you'd love to sip morning coffee on, smoke a little and watch in peace as the golden rays paint the sky pink and orange in overlay to the brightening blue.
now, she serves as a wandering reminder of what you haven't done. "there is so much to be done!" your heart screeches with the tone and persistence of a banshee. there is grief in not getting to live all the lifetimes we would like to. all the potential paths that intersected with ours, now seemingly lost to time.
except, they still like to linger in mementos and photos and that sliver that took weeks to get out. all the times you expanded yourself just to collapse back in were not necessarily in vain. everything you learn in this life of yours has a way of finding itself back to you, in months or years or days.
whether you remember the roots or not, they dig down for decades. the earth will hold you whether you become more or less. the world will not say thank you for your bloody, lived in flesh, but it will absorb it all the same. in the end of things, we all bear one name.
from my heart space to yours,
until next time.